DURHAM, NC – NOVEMBER 14, 2007
Duke’s Mike Krzyzewski - known to the world as Coach K - revealed at a press conference today that he is strongly considering the Duke administration’s request to step in as head coach of the football team for this weekend’s game against Notre Dame. During the press conference, Las Vegas gambling lines moved a full 14 points, swinging the line in favor of the visiting Blue Devils.
Said Coach K: “As you all know from my American Express commercials, I don’t look at myself as a basketball coach. I look at myself as a leader who happens to coach basketball. I therefore consider it a natural extension of my immeasurable leadership capabilities to step in, temporarily, as Head Coach of our football team.”
The press conference, featuring Duke President Richard Brodhead, Coach K, Duke Football Coach Ted Roof and Dick Vitale, was attended by thousands of Duke fans. President Brodhead began by announcing that in honor of Coach K’s consideration, the field at Wallace Wade Stadium would be renamed “Coach K Court.” He also said that private donors would commission a fresco of “Touchdown Krzyzewski” on the walls of the Duke Chapel.
Fans reacted with a celebration of historic proportions at Duke University. While benches burned, inspired students read at paces never before seen in Duke academic history. Cameron Crazies responded to the news by painting a devil over their daily blue and white face paint and immediately began an email chain of several new football-related cheers.
Sources said that Duke point guard Greg Paulus is also considering a move to the football team and will most likely be the backup quarterback for Saturday’s game. The Paulus move is made more intriguing by the little known fact - often overlooked by basketball announcers and Vitale - that Paulus was once heavily recruited by Notre Dame as a high school quarterback.
When asked about a game plan for Saturday, Coach K sneered. “I don’t believe in game plans. People have to be given the freedom to show the heart they possess. I think it’s a leader’s responsibility to provide that type of freedom. And I believe it can be done through relationships and family. Because if a team is a real family, its members want to show you their hearts.” When pressed by reporters for something a bit more concrete, Coach K added: “We’ll just do what we do in basketball – play great team defense and slap the field before every third down.”
After the press conference, Coach K addressed the football team with a rousing bit of K-ism: "People want to be on a team. They want to be part of something bigger than themselves. They want to be in a situation where they feel that they are doing something for the greater good. So we’re going to go out and win the Duke Super Bowl this Saturday – and we’re going to make this world a better place to live."
Former Duke basketball star Greg Newton did not return calls requesting comments on this story.